Monday, 11 April 2016


This is a satiric piece not aimed at one man but all men. Enjoy.
for non-Nigerians, Oga is husband! FELL FREE TO SHARE!

Yesterday, I attended one of those church programmes and women gatherings where they brought a doctor to tell us about menopause- what happens pre and post menopause.

As the doctor spoke, I remembered my friend who suffered these menopausal symptoms and thought death was on a visit! Today she is 60 and above and healthy.

At the end of the kind doctor’s talk, it was time for contributions and questions. My hand was the first to shoot up.

I asked our doctor, how many of our Ogas know about menopause?

How many of these kind of gatherings have they had to educate Ogas about menopause?

Finally is it every woman that suffers all these things you mentioned about?

I asked my first question because as a woman I have attended sex gatherings where all we were taught was what we had to contribute to make our sex life with our Ogas fantastic. We are so loaded with information about how Ogas' bodies work but poor Ogas, there are so many things they are ignorant about our bodies.

Poor Ogas who will tell them that when men gather, they should not just discuss wealth and how to make money (which unfortunately a lot of them still fail to make,) they should talk about these things.

Poor Ogas, have they ever heard of G spot?

Poor Ogas, do they not understand how our bodies work? Why foreplay must last forever.

Poor Ogas, they think once they were done everyone was done and satisfied.

Poor Ogas, they think all they have to do was confer with themselves and agree with themselves that it was over and then it was over.

It is the same thing when poor Oga was growing. They taught his sisters about marriage. Got her ready and taught her how to give her husband pleasure. But Poor Oga, nobody taught him anything. He was to do trial and error and if he loses his marriage in the process, too bad for him.

Sorry for digressing now.

Poor Oga is facing another dilemma because nobody has told Oga about menopause.

So Oga is unhappy that wife is so forgetful and so clumsy.

Oga is angry that wife is falling down up and down.

Oga does not understand why wifey, his beloved wifey seem not to control her balder any longer.

Oga is not able to understand the mood swings. What has he done to make her cry? Why is she sad when he has not done anything?

Oga is angry with the way the wife is commanding him up and down to switch on and switch off the AC. what does poor Oga know about hot flushes.

Poor Oga, Madam's libido is at rock bottom. Besides all that dryness. So poor Oga decides to look outside because the trouble at home is too much. At least it is a win win situation; she keeps her body and he seeks for pleasure elsewhere and everyone is happy.

Who will sit Oga down and talk to Oga?

Who will explain to Oga that the menopausal period was a period of extreme caution and show of the greatest love and concern for Madam?

Who will explain to Oga that this period was not the time to tell wife to watch and practice war room therapy but this was a time for Oga to gather information on his ignorance about one of the women’s worst nightmare.

Poor Oga, who will help him to understand, who will explain it to him.

Poor Oga! Who will bail him from his total ignorance!

No comments: