Thursday, 10 March 2016

LETTER TO MAUREEN, MY 25 YEAR OLD FRIEND WHO SOUGHT FOR MY ADVICE – PART THREE





Dear Maureen,
there are still so many areas I have to delve into but I cannot help remembering what my father said, that advice was the cheapest commodity and most people who are advised sometimes don’t heed to it and that is why Mau Mau a lot of women make mistakes in marriage.


You know anytime my friends have problems in their marriage, I usually ask them, did your people approve the marriage? Most of the time they look on the floor lift their heads and with tears in their eyes, say No, they did not.

Yes Mau Mau if your parents were like me, they will be worried about who their daughter will be getting married to. I have four girls to worry over.

Mau Mau it is because marriage is a determinant of so many things in life. It sometimes even determines how long you will live on earth. Yes it is that serious.

Can you imagine being married to a man you hardly see, a philanderer with a reputation of being in every girl’s skirt?

Can you imagine being married to a man who after taking the vow of to love and care for you decides to leave you as the bread winner? You have to juggle many jobs, do many things and sometimes consider the unthinkable just to keep the home running?

Can you imagine being married to a man who beats you constantly but then somehow you still love him and want to stay for the sake of your children?

Can you imagine being married to a man who abuses you verbally and psychologically?

Do you know Maureen when you are in love, you are so dead to reasoning. Nobody can reach you because you are beginning to think I know it all. I want to tell you a proverb by my people. What the elder sees sitting down even if a child stands on a tree, he will not see it.

Therefore Maureen, mothers are blessed with this powerful intuition. They can see through a lying, pretentious man. They can spot a lazy man and a gold digger from a distance.

I am not saying that most of the time when parents have objections they are right. No. Your mother might not like someone because he is not rich or from a wealthy home or because he is from one part of the country. However if you see signs of ambitions in that man and a proof of his respect for you, you can go ahead.

You know my daughters came to me and said, mummy if you ever ask us not to marry a man, we will not. I was shocked but I was happy. Yes I am given enormous powers which I will not misuse. I will not say no for the sake of saying no but if I need to say no, no matter how that will hurt I will say no.
Mau Mau do you think you can say no to a man because your parents said no. okay let us reach a middle ground. If your parents say no to a man, can you do me a favour and think and meditate on what they said. Can you at least hold on with your plans to make sure you are doing the right thing?

Anyway, there is a powerful tool that can help you in determining the right partner and that is prayer.

No matter how bad a sinner is, God hears his prayer. Tell God, help me choose. God weed the wrong men from my life. God reveal the character of this man.

O Mau Mau, at a point if you are not yet married, you will start feeling like an old maid. I want to assure you, it won’t happen like that. Marrying out of desperation or marrying just for the sake of marrying is not good enough for you.

Anyway there is so much to say about marriage. Different people say the worst thing in marriage is... I discover that in the end, we are all not in agreement to what is the worst thing in marriage.
Some people say;
Marrying a selfish man
Marrying a jealous man
Marrying a stingy man
Marrying an unromantic man
Marrying a man without ambition
Marrying a wife beater
Marrying a philanderer
Being the bread winner

My conclusion none of these situations is good at all. I think marrying an extremist in doing good is the best thing you can do for yourself. That sounds nice right is the best?

Therefore just like Shakespeare said no man’s art or ‘whatever’ is written on his face, there is only one person who knows who is right for us. It is God. Run to Him and ask Him. A mistake in marriage is the greatest set back you can have in life. Ask around.

Mau Mau, I am so busy. I think I have touched all the important areas. If you still have any other questions I will be happy to attend to them. Do you think your friends need to read this? Then share the letters with them.

THE END

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